イミシブル・ディスコード
kanade event time but, well, mafuyu's story is reaching its temporary climax so it's still mostly about him.
for example, it's not even three minutes into the story before we're shown evidence that mafuyu's mother rifles through his computer--seemingly regularly--in an attempt to find evidence that he's still secretly working on music despite her "advice" that he stop. she's (rightfully, i suppose) convinced that he's going behind her back about it, and she knows how smart he is, so she's sure that he's just hidden it really well.
an indeterminate amount of time later--she could be doing this all day!--and she finally finds what she's looking for, and then some: mafuyu's chat logs on nightcord. naturally there are timestamps on everything, so she also learns that he's been lying to her about studying late at night. this won't do. she's taken particular note of K, as kanade is the one doing the composition and thus necessarily the one most responsible for corrupting mafuyu. she makes an account for herself and sends kanade a friend request.
kanade weighs their options here: they could ignore it and cause mafuyu's mother to lash out at him, or they could try to take matters into their own hands by getting in contact with her directly. they choose the latter, of course. mafuyu's mother does a great job at seeming like a reasonably worried parent--could you please reduce mafuyu's role in your work? [he's] currently preparing for entrance exams, and i've noticed that [he's] getting less sleep as of late. [he] has a dream separate from creating music, you see. so, if you think of [him] as a friend, i would ask that you please allow him to focus solely on [his] studies.
kanade takes particular note of this mention of mafuyu's "dream." what would that be? they've never heard mafuyu mention anything about this before. (maybe he does have one, but he's just never told them about it before?) kanade thinks back on a conversation they had with their dad about the importance of general studies even when you're aiming to be a composer--having a wide bevy of knowledge is only a good thing. so, they can see where mafuyu's mother is coming from... but they also know first hand just how important niigo is to mafuyu. if they were to cut him out of their work, what would happen to mafuyu? so they put their foot down and stand up to her. mafuyu's mother, evil as she is, says that there's some kind of mutual misunderstanding going on here, and so she proposes they meet each other in person. so she'll have more control over the conversation, clearly.
when mafuyu gets home that evening, he notices that his computer's in a slightly different position than it usually is. he musters enough courage to ask his mother to please stop using his computer--he doesn't want any important school or study-related files to be overwritten or accidentally deleted, not that he thinks she would ever do that, but, you know, just in case, it would be really helpful if she wouldn't use it without permission. his mother then lets it slip that she knows everything, now. about the lyric files he hid, niigo's existence and chat logs, everything. what does he do now? he doesn't want to stop working with niigo. he wants to keep creating music. but he's sure that she's just worried about him... right?
this is when kaito appears in sekai, having been called there subconsciously by mafuyu. DING DING DING dissociative disorder alert. that space is very much tied to mafuyu's psyche, with miku, len, and kaito all having been summoned by specific breaks in mafuyu's mental state: miku was a result of his suicidal ideation, len was a result of his innocent desire to be loved, and kaito is a result of his desire to assert himself. (luka, rin, and meiko are tied to kanade, ena, and mizuki, respectively, so it isn't like mafuyu is monopolizing the whole thing.) people who claim that he has DID are still off-base, though, as he has very different things going on in his brain; i've written about this regarding the 迷い子の手を引く、そのさきは event. unfortunately, DID is i guess the only dissociative disorder people know or care about. because it's the one most easily exotified? i don't really know.
that night, as niigo starts working, mafuyu mentions what happened with his mother. i'm going to have to stop working, he says, for now. he will be back, though... he's just not sure when. he logs off right away, and kanade is left to talk about what mafuyu's mother told them with ena and mizuki. it turns out that mafuyu's mother actually wants to meet with them the day after tomorrow--trying to schedule this on such short notice is a very thinly-veiled method for her to further fluster kanade into ceding more ground in the "argument." ena immediately offers to with them specifically so she can give this woman a piece of her mind; she's tired of sitting around waiting for things to get better. (mizuki is much more diplomatic about her offer to go with.) kanade maintains that they should go by themself; if something were to go wrong, they might lose the ability to meet with mafuyu altogether, and mafuyu will really have no one else by his side... so they want their face to be the only one that she sees. that way, mizuki and ena might still be able to find a workaround.
i'll mention again here that i'm consistently stunned by how everything surrounding mafuyu's mother and his home life is written; these are a bunch of high school kids who are forced into trying to intellectually maneuver around a horrifically emotionally abusive adult. and said adult isn't afraid to work her emotional manipulation on them, either. we see evidence of that every time she's spoken to one of them, be it her talking to kanade on nightcord here or her talking to ena over the phone previously. these kids are absolutely punching above their weight, here, and the writing is very conscious of that fact. on the other hand, it never looks down on them all, either--on the contrary, this mature tone is handled with such grace that i still find it hard to believe this is in a kid-friendly mobile game.
the next day, ena and mizuki are out spending time together and their mealtime conversation turns to the subject of what's happening with kanade and mafuyu's mother. they're both really worried about them, obviously. ena, having had prior experience speaking with mafuyu's mother--albeit just the one phone call--already knows how difficult it is to deal with her. she seems nice at first glance, but she won't let you get a word in edgewise. mafuyu is the one who's struggling the most, though. he already doesn't ever want to be at home... if he can't spend time with niigo anymore, then things are only going to get worse.
it's then that they notice mafuyu on the way home from cram school, so they call him in to spend some time and hopefully lighten the mood for him. they're both playing up their usual bickering for his sake, because there really isn't anything they can do for him in a concrete way. this really pisses ena off, because she wishes she could do more... but if she can at least help him to forget his home situation for a little bit, then that's better than nothing. and this really does help! mafuyu feels much more at peace with these two than he did as he was walking home, facing down the reality of being in the same house as his mother for another night. of course, this is only temporary, and mafuyu does have to go home eventually. ena reminds him that he needs to put his foot down with his mother because, at the end of the line, only he can protect himself in this situation.
so, over dinner, that's exactly what he does. it takes a lot of courage, he's obfuscating the matter (by calling his niigo work "studying for exams"), and he stutters his way through it, but he says no. he doesn't want to stop, even if it sacrifices sleep. unfortunately it's immediately clear that mafuyu doesn't have the capacity to maneuver around his mother's emotional manipulation, because she successfully steers the entire conversation to go her way. after that, he goes to sekai and meets kaito...
unless i'm misremembering, this is the first time we've seen mafuyu's father since that time in the initial event story where he's part of the conversation over mafuyu being pressured into becoming a doctor. by both his mother and his father, to be clear. that says a lot about his role in the family dynamic. and here we see that he really has no idea what's going on. he starts off on mafuyu's side (it's important for [him] to study as much as he can, even late at night) and ends on his mother's side (oh, you're right, staying up too late is bad for your memory). it's enough to make you wonder if that's precisely the outcome she wants for her meeting with kanade! another little drone who will agree with whatever she says!
... kanade visits sekai and sees mafuyu and kaito arguing. this is one of the exceedingly rare times in which mafuyu raises his voice at all. mafuyu maintains that he's done all he can--he said no, he said that he wants to play music--and his mother won't listen to him. so, what else do you expect from him?
kaito, abrasive as he is, tells him that if this is enough to make you give up, then you can't feel as strongly about niigo as you claim you do.
but we both know that isn't true. you don't want to give up. don't lie to yourself.
well, whatever. do what you want. keep lying to yourself until you die. just know that you'll never learn who you truly are.
if you're fine with that, do what your mother tells you. if not--and we both know you're not, that's why you're here--then you need to do something about it. you need to fight her. she's trying to kill [your emotions, your dreams, your sense of self]; you have no time for sympathy.
you know this. you need to stop pretending you don't.
... all of this causes mafuyu to run away. kaito defends himself by arguing that, no, he didn't go too far; you've all just been too soft on him. and he isn't entirely incorrect! he could stand to have more tact, sure, but it's also true that no one else has been able to get mafuyu to open his eyes to the truth up to this point.
kanade, having seen all of this, resolves to get through to mafuyu's mother about just how much harm she's causing him. they're sure that if they're honest and forthright about mafuyu, about how much they care about him, his mother is sure to see their point of view and they can come to some kind of amicable conclusion. well, we'll see how that works out.
let's tackle this sequence by running through all of the misleading and/or manipulative arguments mafuyu's mother makes. that sounds like fun.
1: "i'm sorry about the other day. i'm not used to speaking through chat form, so i'm afraid i may have come across as unnecessarily cold." what's kanade supposed to say to that, other than "oh, not at all!" kanade then thinks to themself, "wow, thank goodness. she's so much nicer than i thought she would be."
2: "that being said--i'm surprised that you know mafuyu's real name, yoisaki-san." sure, lure kanade into detailing just how much they know him in real life, and how much they've done to take mafuyu away from you...
3: she takes kanade to some fancy restaurant inside of a fancy hotel that she knows. kanade's never been there before and clearly feels out of place, but mafuyu's mother has been here plenty of times and feels very confident. so, like, they're still in public (which would already be uncomfortable enough for this kind of conversation), but also in a place where kanade is significantly less comfortable. she also mentions that she's taken mafuyu there for family outings many times, so it's special to them all as a family. she also buys food for them, making it even more difficult for them to see her in a bad light.
4: "so, how long have you known mafuyu?" kanade is honest--two years. wow, that's a lot of time for you to have taken from mafuyu's studies, huh?
5: "ah, right, mafuyu writes lyrics. i hope you'll forgive me for having pried, but i did have a look at them. i heard some of your work, too--your music is lovely. i think it's a wonderful hobby, to be making music with others your age. it must be so difficult to write music that well." sure, just keep buttering them up. kanade deflects and mentions how much help mafuyu is to them.
6: "well, i'm glad to hear that mafuyu is such a vital member of your group. ...but, now that i think of it, it must be really difficult for you to balance both your studies and your music work, right? mafuyu mentioned that you're all the same age and all."
kanade notes internally that her vibe changes completely here. kanade fumbles over explaining that they aren't studying for entrance exams at all. (we can discern, from mafuyu's mother's previous statements, that she thinks very little of exam-age students that aren't aiming as high as mafuyu--she's repeatedly argued that he should only be spending time with kids his age that have similarly high ambitions.) they then explain that music is more important to them than exams...
7: "... really. well, it's wonderful to have such a clear vision for what you want to do with your life." kanade notes internally that maybe she's taking this nicer than they initially expected... but for some reason a chill runs up their back.
8: "that being said, as i mentioned in my message, mafuyu also has a dream that [he's] working towards. to be a doctor! it's very admirable."
kanade thinks back. they're reminded of a time when mafuyu said that he lives his entire life, day in and day out, not knowing what it's like to experience joy or to have fun. all he knows is that there's something missing from him as a human being on a fundamental level. if mafuyu's dream really is to become a doctor, then... why would he say things like that? why would he blow up at kaito, for that matter? maybe this woman does genuinely think that she has mafuyu's best interests at heart, but...
when mafuyu's mother asks them once again to leave mafuyu out of niigo "at least until [he's] done with [his] exams, for [his] sake," they respond that, yes, studying is important... but mafuyu needs music just as much.
9: "i agree! it's important to be able to take a breather from studying." again, she's trying to forcibly route the conversation to be entirely about mafuyu's studies, rather than anything more fundamental... like having a way to get away from her.
even here, kanade is forced to cede ground--can you please allow mafuyu to continue working with us, just a bit, whenever he gets the chance to get away from his studies?
10: "well, of course." kanade is shocked. "i just said that it's important to be able to take a breather, didn't i? and i wouldn't dream of forbidding [him] from music for the rest of his life."
again, they're shocked; clearly they expected her to shut down any compromise on this front... and this makes them question why they're even here. if she isn't going to be a tyrant about it, maybe they've gotten the wrong idea? maybe they're overstepping their authority, and things aren't that bad? this means that they're left unprepared for her biggest line of attack.
11: "i really would like for [him] to leave your group, though. [...] i'm not exactly well-versed in the topic, but you surely work under deadlines, right? and it's quite the time investment to write lyrics... it would be one thing if [mafuyu] could work at [his] own pace, but i'm afraid that having a structured schedule like that would get in the way of [his] focus on [his] studies. particularly, because mafuyu is just so kind, i worry that [he] wouldn't be able to put [his] foot down when [he] wants to study rather than work on music."
this is such a reversal of what mafuyu actually feels that reading it is like being shot. how much of this woman's behavior is on purpose, and how much of it is her being clueless about her son's desires? it's so vile.
kanade starts panicking a little, here. they assert that niigo's music, specifically, is what mafuyu needs. mafuyu's mother wonders why that would be the case... and they can't exactly say outright that he needs niigo in order to save him from her, or anything like that.
12: "don't stress yourself out, please. i know i'm asking a lot--you've known and worked with mafuyu for two years, so it'll be painful for you to be apart. i have to be honest, though... i don't think [he] 'needs' either music or your group's work in [his] life. if you truly do care for mafuyu, i ask once more for you to please let [him] leave your group." she laughs a little. "if it came from your mouth, i'm sure [he'd] be convinced."
kanade realizes here just how deeply *wrong* this woman is. sure, she's thought deeply about mafuyu's future, but there's just something wrong about it. they think back to their own family and realize that the warmth one would expect from a parent is missing from her.
13: she attempts to end the conversation there, before kanade can get a word in edgewise. "thank you for getting along so well with mafuyu, and best of luck in your music work."
the best thing kanade can think to do to get her to stay is to mention the time when mafuyu said he wanted to die. (kind of insane to bring up, but they're under a lot of pressure right now.) also, when he said that he doesn't know what he wants... other than that he wants to keep making music with niigo. 2+2 = mafuyu needs niigo to keep him alive, you would think.
14: "of course... of course. mafuyu is so diligent, so serious, such a good girl... something must have happened at school, or maybe [he] got a bad grade on a test, so [he] was feeling down... [...] thank you so much for being there for [him], yoisaki-san. the next time i speak with mafuyu, i'll be sure to hear [him] out." she's just running with her own conclusions... kanade tries to correct them by arguing that if she hears mafuyu out, surely she'll understand just how much he needs niigo in his life... and just how much pain he's in right now, too.
15: "yes, you're absolutely right. thank you so much, yoisaki-san. i have to sit down and really listen to mafuyu and understand [his] feelings. we'll have a real talk together (there's a line break here), and this time i'll make sure [he] understands that becoming a doctor is much more important than your music. i'm sure [he'll] understand, and then that should make all [his] bad feelings go away too."
well, now kanade finally fully understands. this woman isn't thinking about mafuyu at all. she's just assuming everything she's saying about him is automatically right.
kanade thinks back on their own mother, before she passed. as her health worsened, she would spend more and more time listening to her husband's music; this made kanade want to create music like their dad, so their mom could listen to that too, and feel better for it. their mom appreciates the sentiment, but says outright that kanade needs to do what they themself wants. of course, she would be delighted to hear said music, but it would make her even more delighted if kanade did what they wanted most.
compared to that? mafuyu's mother isn't thinking about him at all. they tell her as much: "you aren't thinking about mafuyu--you're just suppressing mafuyu's desires."
16: she can't believe her ears. (i'll drop correcting the pronoun usage here, just to get the message across.) "mafuyu is the most important thing in the world to me. ever since she was little, she's been so kind, so hardworking; all i want in life is to make her the happiest girl in the world. while it hurts to be misunderstood by you, i will reiterate that i am always thinking of what's best for her. i'm her mother, after all."
while she's convinced this comes across as kind, kanade has a realization: they'd spent this whole time looking for a flicker of warmth in mafuyu's mother because it's an implicit assumption that a parent will automatically be loving. that was the case for kanade themself, and that's the message you're inundated with in society at large. but... that isn't always the case. a parent won't always be warm. they won't always love their children.
they can't let this continue. this woman can and will destroy mafuyu if she isn't stopped. he'll kill all of his desires and emotions and do nothing but try to attain his mother's own wishes. and then... it's obvious how that will end.
kanade isn't sure how to express their feelings, but they try anyway. "i came here today because i thought you were genuinely worried about mafuyu, and that was why you wanted him to stop creating music. but... i see now that that's not the case. i keep listening to you... i keep reminding myself that you're his mother... but i just can't believe you. so... i've made up my mind, now. it doesn't matter what you say, or what you want--i won't leave mafuyu's side.
17: "i thought that, if you really did care about mafuyu, you'd see and understand with my way of thinking... but i guess i was wrong. what a shame. you should be getting home now; i'm sure your parents must be getting worried." they don't have any!! bitch! she then proposes that they both keep this a secret from mafuyu.
18: her parting shot: "ah, that reminds me. you might dismiss this as excessive concern (老婆心, so, double meaning i guess), but i highly suggest you think deeply about your own future, as well. so you don't have any regrets, of course."
finally alone, kanade takes a moment to breathe. their chest hurts. they can't believe that this is what mafuyu has had to live with this whole time. they still aren't sure exactly what they can do, but they want to save mafuyu from this.
this woman will never change how she thinks. and mafuyu still believes--wants to believe--that she's right. because... that's his mother. of course she's right. everything about society says that your parents are always right, they know what's best for you, they love you. so... she must be right. she must love him. this must be what love feels like. why does it feel so cold, then? why does he feel nothing? why does he not feel like a human being? obviously there's something wrong. why is it that, when he went to ena's house and had dinner with his family, things were so different? is this what a family is supposed to be like? if it is, then... there's something wrong with his. what he still can't square in his brain right now is that this is his mother's fault. it's breaking what little there is left in his mind that she might have been the problem this whole time, and the walls are closing in.
this is why kaito appears now--he's the last resort to get mafuyu to open his eyes, because he's so overwhelmingly aggressive. he won't let mafuyu lie to himself anymore, and everyone else has been treating him with kid gloves to try and make him feel better without changing his situation on a fundamental level. even ena, as abrasive as she can be, is nicer to him than kaito is. it isn't pretty, but this is what he needs, and i understand why it took so long for kaito to appear in niigo's story. this is the best moment they could have possibly chosen to introduce him.
the event ends with kanade realizing, once more, just how much their parents loved him. they aren't sure how to extend this kind of love to mafuyu... but if, maybe, one day, he decides he needs to get away from his mother, they'll be there for him with their music. that isn't enough, though. they feel like they need to do more... so they decide to think on it. (and i already know where that leads, but we'll get there.)